Josh's Friend's opinion regarding Divorce, Remarriage and qualification for church leadership

Divorce, Remarriage, and Qualifications for Church Leadership

(elders/pastors and deacons)

 

    I am writing this paper specifically to seek a biblical answer concerning the question of unmarried and remarried leaders in the church.  But in order to do that, first we must seek an answer concerning the broader question of divorce and remarriage as it relates to all Christians.

• My conclusion is that the Bible teaches that a believer can justly initiate a divorce and become remarried when their spouse has committed sexual immorality and thereby broken the marriage covenant.  To do so is not sin.
• Also, when a believing spouse is deserted by an unbelieving spouse, they can also justly initiate a divorce and become remarried.  To do so is not sin.

 

My biblical support for these positions is in the appendix at the end of the paper.

 

So, according to the above conclusions, your friend rightly allowed his unbelieving wife to divorce him, and he is "not enslaved" to this marriage (1 Corinthians 7:15) but is now free to be remarried.

 

But even if he can be remarried can he still continue as a leader in the church?

Also, if he is not married, can he still continue as a leader in the church?

 

1 Timothy 3:2

"Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife [literally: "a man of one woman" or "a one-woman man"], sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…."

• What does Paul mean?

Can church leaders be unmarried?

Paul writes that a church leader must be "the husband of one wife" or literally "a man of one woman/a one-woman man."  Does this mean that every leader must be married?

• Paul was unmarried.  But some speculate that it is likely that he was married once and later widowed.  Therefore, they think Paul's command is that every church leader must have been either only once married and later widowed/divorced or presently married only once.
• If Paul had been previously married, then your friend is free to continue leading in church since he also was once married.
• Also, if Paul had been previously married, then your friend is free to be remarried while continuing to lead.  Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:5 "Do we not have the right to take along a believing wife, as do the other apostles and the brother of the Lord and Cephas?"  If Paul had been previously married, then he is saying here that he also has the right to be remarried and not be disqualified from apostolic leadership as a husband of more than one wife.  Yet, though Paul had the right, he chose not to exercise his right.  So, if Paul was once married, your friend clearly has the right himself, like Paul, to be remarried to a believer.
• If Paul was not married before, then clearly church leaders do not have to be married.  Therefore, again, your friend does not have to be married.
• But most likely interpretation is that Paul is not even addressing the issue of whether or not church leaders have to be married.  What Paul is saying is that those that are married should be "the husband of one wife" or "a man of one wife."  He is not saying that all leaders have to be married.
• Conclusion: Christians in general and church leaders specifically do not have to be married (1 Corinthians 7:1).   Yet, in general, it is the normal and good idea for most adult believers to be married.  And if they are to seek marriage, they must marry another believer (Genesis 2:18; 1 Corinthians 7:2, 39; 9:5; 1 Timothy 3:4-5).

 

Divorced Leaders?

§         Is Paul teaching here that church leaders can not divorce?

o       We have already concluded that there is a just divorce for a Christian that is not a sin.  But is Paul setting a higher standard here for leadership, even though their divorce was not a sin?

§         This verse does not directly address the topic of divorce since one could divorce and never remarry and still have only ever been "a husband of one wife."

§         Conclusion: according to this verse, being divorced does not necessarily disqualify one from church leadership.

 

Remarried Leaders?

• Is Paul teaching that church leaders can not remarry?
• We have already established that for Christians, both remarriage after the death of a spouse or remarriage after a just divorce are allowed.  Remarriage in these circumstances is not a sin.  Yet if "the husband of one wife" means no remarriage, then Paul is again setting a higher standard here for leadership.
• Interpreting "the husband of one wife" as no remarriage seems unlikely.  If this past action was not a sin for Christians, it seems unlikely that it would disqualify someone from Christian leadership. 
• As well, if Paul had meant to clearly establish "no remarriage" as a non-negotiable standard for church leadership, he had clear Greek words with which he could have chosen to express this.  Instead he used an unclear, more ambiguous phrase.
• All the other requirements for church leadership that Paul lists are all present character qualities, behaviors, or skills.  Being divorced or remarried is a past action which has ended.  If sin was involved, that sin could be forgiven. No other past sin is said to disqualify someone from leadership, not even murder, in which Paul himself was at least indirectly involved (Acts 7:58; 8:1).  Paul is focusing on present character qualities, behaviors, and skills, so it seems unlikely that he is speaking about a past action here.
• Conclusion: Paul is not teaching that church leaders can not be remarried.  Then what does Paul mean?

 

• Polygamy?
• Some believes Paul is referring to polygamy � that no church leader can have more than one wife at a time.  Those who interpret Paul this way claim that this requirement was necessary because polygamy was common among Jews and Gentiles of Paul's day.  But this seems unlikely because:
• This would imply that there was a double standard concerning polygamy.  That is, non-leaders can be a polygamist but leaders can not be.  But in fact, polygamy is a sin for all Christians.
• As well, in 1 Timothy 5:9 Paul speaks about the requirements that a widow must meet in order to be financially supported by the church.  He says she must be "the wife of one husband" or "a woman of one man."  This is the exact same grammatical construction that Paul uses in 1 Timothy 3:2.  If this means "polygamy," Paul is saying that widows can not be officially supported if they once had more than one husband at the same time.  But while men having more than one wife at the same time may have been more common in Paul's day, a women having more than one husband at the same time was definitely not common.  Therefore, it seems highly unlikely that Paul is making a stipulation against women having been a polygamist at some time.  But if this phrase does not mean "polygamy" in 5:9, then it also does not mean "polygamy" in 3:2.
• Conclusion: Paul does not mean "polygamy."  But then, what does Paul mean?

 

A husband of faithful character

§         The best interpretation of Paul's meaning here is that he is describing a character quality, not whether or not one has been remarried or has been a polygamist.  Being a "one-woman man" emphasizes that the man is a faithful husband causing his present marriage to be a strong, stable, and godly marriage.

§         This seems to fit Paul's list of requirements which is focused on present and ongoing character, actions, and skills, and not on past and completed actions or failures.

§         Instead of focusing on a black-and-white rule of "never remarried," Paul is setting in place a standard which requires spiritual discernment.  On one hand, a man might never have been divorced or remarried, but still not be in character a very faithful, loving, and stable husband � that is, not "a one-woman man."  On the other hand, another man might be remarried, but in his present character and behavior show all the evidence of being a faithful, loving, and stable husband � that is, he is "a one-woman man."

§         Conclusion: whether married or not, divorced or not, remarried or not, a church leader must be the kind of man who is a faithful, loving husband or would be a faithful, loving husband if he were married.

§         Therefore, your friend � whether he remains unmarried or not � can continue to lead in the church if he has the character of a faithful, loving husband.

 

Appendix

 

Divorce and Remarriage

Note: the translation I used is The English Standard Version while words in brackets [example] are my own interpretive addition

 

Deuteronomy 24:1-4

"When a man [within the people of God] takes a wife [within the people of God] and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes [hates her] because he has found some indecency in her [something about her he does not like], and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, and the latter man hates (Hebrew verb: sawnay) her [because there is something about her he does not like] and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the LORD.  And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance."

 

• This verse is clearly not referring to divorcing a wife because she has committed adultery.  The clear command in that circumstance was found Deuteronomy 22:22 where the death penalty was prescribed for adultery.  ("If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman.  So you shall purge the evil from Israel.")  Instead, this verse is referring to a man divorcing his wife for some other dislike of her.  The terms used ("finds no favor in his eyes," "some indecency" and "hates") are somewhat vague and broad.  These verses seem to describe a circumstance where a husband begins to dislike his wife and no longer wants her to be his wife.  Though she has not committed adultery, he divorces her.  The point of these verses is not to endorse nor condemn this practice, but to regulate it within the people of God so that it does not cause even worse sin.  Though perhaps these verses hint at condemnation of this practice when they say "after she has been defiled."  This seems to imply that when a woman is divorced by her husband because of dislike and not adultery, and then she marries another man, she is defiled.  This is because she should still be married to her first husband, but instead she becomes married to another man.  Since the first husband initiated this divorce, he essentially caused his wife to become defiled as she needed a husband for support.  From this verse, we can see that from the beginning of the nation of Israel, husbands were divorcing their wives not because their wife had been sexually unfaithful, but merely because the husband no longer liked the wife. 

 

Malachi 2:13-16

"And this second thing you do.  You cover the LORD's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand.  But you say, 'Why does He not?'  Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.  Did He not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union?  And what was the one God seeking?  Godly offspring.  So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.  For the man [within the people of God] who hates (Hebrew verb: sawnay) and divorces, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts.  So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless."

 

• Here, Malachi is commenting on the very practice that we see represented in Deuteronomy 24.  Wives within the people of God were being faithful to their marriage covenant (not committing adultery), yet husbands within the people of God still grew to dislike their wife ("hates") and divorced them for that reason.  While in Deuteronomy 24, this practice was neither clearly endorsed nor condemned, here in Malachi, the LORD clearly condemns this practice as sinful ("you have been faithless").  From these verses, we can see that the Old Testament taught that it was sinful and unjustified to initiate the breaking of the marriage covenant for any reason other than the committing of adultery by the other spouse.  It also shows that the same practice committed among the people of God in Moses' time (about 1500 B.C.) was still occurring in Malachi's time (about 500 B.C.)

 

Matthew 5:31-32

Jesus said, "It was also said, 'Whoever [among God's people] divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.'  But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery.  And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

 

• Here, as part of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus addresses the very practice that Malachi 2 addressed: sinful and unjustified divorce between two members of the people of God.  As in the rest of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus contrasts His own teaching � the true teaching of the Word � with the legalistic spirit and tradition of the Jewish religious leaders of His day.  Jesus affirms the teaching of Malachi: members of God's people seeking divorce in any circumstance except for their spouse's adultery is sinful.  Not only is seeking the divorce sinful, it also causes more sin.  The faithful wife would have continued to be faithful to her husband.  But since he wrongly divorced her, she is put in a position of needing to remarry � as particularly in that day it was difficult for a woman without a husband to support herself.  Likewise, whoever marries her marries a woman who was wrongly divorced and should rightly still be married to her first husband.  Some interpret Jesus to mean that when a believer is wrongly divorced by their spouse, then for the believer to remarry is adultery.  I do not think this is Jesus' is teaching here.  Instead, He is elaborating on the sinfulness of the husband who was responsible for initiating the divorce.  He is responsible not only for his own action, but also responsible for the impact of his actions.  I think one of Jesus' main points in the Sermon on the Mount is to contrast the legalistic letter of Jewish tradition with the true spirit of biblical teaching.  The Jewish teachers used the Bible to justify their divorce practice while Jesus showed that their practice was contrary to the spirit and true meaning of God's Word. The issue of divorce is just one of His examples of this contrast.   [In other words, the Jewish teaching said: "It is okay to lust because I am not actually committing adultery." Or "It is okay to hate and be angry because I am not actually murdering." Or "It is okay to cause my faithful wife to marry another man because the law allows me to divorce her."  Jesus exposed these teachings as false and contrary to God's Word.]

 

Matthew 19:3-9 "And the Pharisees came up to Him and tested Him by asking, 'Is is lawful [for members of the people of God] to divorce one's wife for any cause?'  He answered, 'Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh'?  So they are no longer two but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.'  They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?'  He said to them, 'Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.'"

 

• Again, Jesus is responding to the Jewish practice of the day of husbands within the people of God divorcing their wives for unjustified reasons ("for any cause").  Jesus again establishes that their practice is contrary to the meaning and spirit of God's Word.  God's intent is for marriage to be lasting and permanent.  The regulation of unjustified divorce (for reasons other than adultery) in Deuteronomy 24 was not meant to sanction this practice of divorce with the people of God.  Instead, it was a concession given because of the hardness of their heart in order to prevent even more sin.  Jesus says clearly that the only justified and unsinful divorce and remarriage involving two believers is when your spouse has broken your marriage covenant through committing sexual immorality.  When a member of the people of God remarries after wrongly divorcing their spouse, they are committing adultery.  Jesus clearly teaches that you are not sinning when you remarry after rightly divorcing your spouse (after they have committed sexual immorality).

 

Mark 10:12

"And He said to them, 'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and is she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

Luke 16:18

Jesus said, "Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery."

 

• These parallel passages to the Matthew passages in Mark and Luke do not have the exception clause ("except for sexual immorality").  To reconcile this difference, there are two choices.  One, the exception clause in Matthew does not refer to remarriage but only to divorce or it only refers to breaking off an engagement and later marrying someone else.  Therefore in this interpretation, Matthew, Mark, and Luke all teach that remarriage after any divorce is sinful.  Or, two, the exception clause is assumed in Mark and Luke as pointing out the exception in Mark and Luke was not in keeping with the authors' purpose at that point in their narratives.  On the one hand, number one seems unlikely as the logic and the grammar of the sentence in Matthew 19 seems to say that remarriage is allowed after a divorce on the grounds of sexual immorality.  On the other hand, number two seems to be based on what was most likely an assumed consensus of the day among the Jews.  Since the Old Testament Law actually commanded that the adulterer be stoned and not merely divorced, all Jews would have recognized the seriousness of adultery.  In this mindset, if the covenant of marriage was not ended through the stoning of the spouse, at least it would be ended through the divorcing of the spouse, thereby at least partially upholding the severe penalty for which the Old Testament called. 
• Since we can not ignore the exception clause in Matthew, I believe the second interpretation is correct.  Therefore, Jesus teaches uniformly in Matthew, Mark, and Luke that initiating divorce and remarriage by a believer is only lawful when the spouse has committed sexual immorality.

 

1 Corinthians 7:10-15, 39

"To the married [believers] I give this charge (not I, but the Lord [Jesus]): the [believing] wife should not [take the initiative to] separate [divorce] from her [believing] husband (but if she does [take the initiative and divorce her husband], she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the [believing] husband should not [take the initiative to] divorce his [believing] wife. 

 

To the rest [of you believers who are married to unbelievers] I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not [take the initiative to] divorce her.  If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not [take the initiative to] divorce him….But if the unbelieving partner [takes the initiative and] separates [divorces], let it be so.  In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved.  God has called you to peace….A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives [and is still her husband � that is, not divorced lawfully].  But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord."

 

• In the first sentence, Paul says he is repeating the Lord Jesus' explicit teaching concerning divorce and remarriage between two believers, the teaching that He gave during His earthly ministry.  Since Matthew, Mark, and Luke just established for us what this teaching is, we can assume that Paul's statement in this first sentence also assumes Matthew's exception clause for sexual immorality.  [Among others, this is Calvin's interpretation here: "When teachers intend to deal with something briefly, they teach in a general way, and exceptions are dealt with in detailed, as well as more inclusive and yet precise discussions." John Calvin The First Epistle of the Apostle Paul to the Corinthians, trans. John W. Fraser (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1960), 145]  Therefore, Paul also teaches that a believer can justly initiate divorce and remarriage when their spouse commits adultery.  And therefore, Paul also teaches that believers should not initiate divorce with a believing spouse for any other reason, because any other reason would be unjust.  But, if they do initiate divorce unjustly, they should not be remarried, because to do so would be further sin and adultery.  This is also what Jesus taught.  Instead, Paul says these believers should either seek to be reconciled with their believing ex-spouse or they should remain unmarried.  If the one who initiated the divorce refuses to be reconciled, even after a process of church discipline, eventually they will be considered as an unbeliever.  Then the circumstance would not longer be considered as a believer married to a believer but a believer married to an unbeliever.  Paul considers this circumstance next.
• In the second sentence, Paul gives his own apostolic teaching concerning those married to unbelievers.  The implication is that, during His earthly ministry, Jesus never gave an explicit teaching concerning believers married to unbelievers.  This was probably because Jesus' ministry was only to the Jews, who were all already technically members of the people of God and would only marry other Jews.  Paul's teaching is that believers should stay married with unbelievers if the unbeliever is willing.  (Though if the unbelieving spouse commits adultery, this would again be just grounds to divorce them.)  But, if the unbelieving spouse wants to divorce the believer unjustly, even though the believer has been faithful, the believer should agree to the divorce for the sake of peace.  Paul says that, unlike a marriage to another believer, when an unbelieving spouse initiates the divorce, the believing spouse is "not enslaved" to this marriage and is free to remarry.  Desertion by an unbelieving spouse � like adultery by a spouse � allows a believer the freedom to divorce and remarry.  These would be lawful divorces causing the two people to no longer be considered husband and wife in the sight of God.

 

Other Circumstances

• What should be done with an unjust divorce initiated by a believer (or when a believing spouse has been unjustly divorced by a believer) when one or both have already remarried? 
• If still unmarried, reconciliation or singleness should be pursued.  But when one or both is remarried, the sin of wrongful remarriage should be confessed and repented of as a future course of action, but the new marriage(s) should not be broken as the past sin has been forsaken and cleansed.  Another divorce and return to the old marriage would be adding additional sin.
• What should be done when a believing spouse commits adultery and is justly divorced by their believing spouse � can the adulterer remarry? 
• The adulterer has been justly divorced.  The adulterer must confess and repent.  The adulterer must first seek reconciliation with his/her spouse.  But the offended spouse can justly refuse a return to their marriage and can also justly be remarried.  The repentant adulterer should continue to seek reconciliation and a return to their marriage until the spouse has remarried.  At that point, the former spouse is now the spouse of another person and the repentant adulterer is now free to remarry.